I started radicalization therapy few days ago and it doesn't make me feel well.
Just makes my anxieties bigger and bigger. It seems like when cancer is discovered it gets pissed off and finishes life of its host. I fear cancer. The space of time between discovery of Her cancer and death was 3 weeks. She's gone, she knew she was dying. I hate that I know it.
I really don't want to accept that she's gone. I don't want to think about it, I can't.
When I do, that huge hole in my body hurts, seems like I can physically feel its presence.
I don't know how to help myself, how to stop being afraid, stop touching my belly, stop trying to find something.
And all those meds make it all worse.

Welcome to Sheffield | Off the Shelf

Welcome to Sheffield | Off the Shelf

Fame, money and career! It's wierd to see myself on youtube and bps website, but it's also very exciting.
It was amazin experience, I never had before.. and after really.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p7N6H0-ypdY&noredirect=1

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZJYzxDCLUnU&feature=relmfu

Free jailed Afghan women fleeing forced marriages - group - TrustLaw

Free jailed Afghan women fleeing forced marriages - group - TrustLaw

Dissociation

Psychological and somatofrom dissociation, both present in childhood abuse victims.
I'm reading and collecting more and more articles which present valid results like that.
One of my research hypothesis is assumes presence of dissociation as a result of traumatic experiences in childhood and adolescence. I am getting closer to dissociation measurement tool decision.

Well, the job is simple. To show my point of view and express opinions which normally I have to keep to myself.
I'm ph.d. student, last year hopefully. I am fascinated by my research and it keeps me academicaly alive. I am also very frustrated Pole who wants a proper job she's been waiting for so many years.
I know situation on job market is an absolute sh*te but I'm sometimes too tired.
I like my work, don't get me wrong. Being support worker is cool, mental health is fascinating and rewarding field to work in. Hopefully, in 10 years time, I'll still have a bank job like that, just to keep my feet on the ground and to remind myself why I even started with psychology.
I think the rationale behind this blog is to control the panic- last year panic.
It basically mean- I'm entering 3rd and last year of my Ph.D. and have no idea if I get work when I finish.
And that pisses me off. So I'm looking for different opportunities, ways out.
I'm thinking about applying for another ph.d.- fully funded this time, which will be financially 5 times more stable than being bank working wife.
I hear all the time how prestigious my course is but.. I have been doing it for two years and haven't got any job yet. and I've been applying since I came to the UK- two years ago.